


All These Things That I’ve Done

by Toni_Lynne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Smut, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-04 03:17:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13355364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toni_Lynne/pseuds/Toni_Lynne
Summary: My first new series in months. I don’t know when it will be done or how many chapters yet.Set Season 13 but leaving Mary Winchester out of the storyline.





	1. Chapter 1

“So he shows up and helps on a couple hunts and you suddenly trust him? That doesn’t sound like you Dean,” you said, setting the empty beer bottle down on the table.

“Trust him? No,” Dean shook his head. “But he’s handy to have around. Besides, we can’t seem to shake him. He keeps showing up.”

You glanced across the room at the bar where Sam and Arthur Ketch were ordering another round of drinks.

“Have you forgotten what he did to Mick? And Eileen? What he tried to do to us?” you hissed.

“Look Y/N, I get it. I know what he did. I killed him, remember? But those British assholes were clearly messing with his head.” Dean shifted in his seat before looking up to meet your eyes. “You want to know why I’m all for giving him a chance?”

You nodded, studying your friend.

“Crowley. He sacrificed himself and he was a demon damn it. He died for us. Sometimes someone can change. If a demon can end up a….friend….. well then anyone can.”

You nodded, wondering not for the first time how Dean was really handling the loss of the King of Hell.

“Why does he want to hang around with us anyway?” you mused. “If he honestly is trying to make a life for himself away from the Brits then he should hunt on his own.”

Sam and Ketch returned with the drinks before Dean could reply and you shifted over when Ketch sat down next to you, handing you a bottle of beer. Your fingers brushed his when you took it from him and you tried your hardest to ignore the shiver that ran down your spine. You didn’t trust or like the asshole but you could appreciate how attractive he was.

The slightly scruffier haircut looked good on him, and the beard he sometimes wore gave him a rugged appearance. The jeans and jacket he traded his suits in for were made for his well muscled frame. The accent just made everything even better.

But even what Donna would call his “yumminess” could not improve the fact that he was untrustworthy and dangerous. Dean and Sam may be giving him a chance but there was no way you were going to trust the man who murdered your friends. Brainwashed or not.

“What’s next?” Dean asked once everyone was settled.

“Next?” Sam echoed.

“Next case?” Dean stated.

“I thought we could head home. Do our laundry, check to see how Cas and Jack are doing with Jack’s training, sleep a full eight hours….” Sam replied.

You took a long drink from your bottle. “I am up for another hunt.”

“Y/N, you more than anyone should want to take a break,” Sam said, shaking his head. “You were only seconds away from being bitten by a vampire. If Ketch hadn’t…”

“I had it under control,” you interrupted, not noticing the way Ketch’s shoulders slumped. “I’m ready to keep going.”

“One more and then we take a break.”

* * *

 You could feel the blood, hot on your skin as you fell to the floor. Pulling your hand back from your stomach, you saw the hole and you knew this time it was serious.

Your vision was dark around the edges and you almost didn’t recognize Ketch when he ran into the room, falling to his knees at your side. “Y/N, no.”

You felt his hands on your side, trying to cover the wound. The look of fear and pure devastation on his face would have baffled you if you weren’t in the middle of dying.

Ketch wrapped you in his arms, cradling you to his body. “Please hold on Y/N.”

You could hear him yelling for Dean, you even heard him yelling for Cas and Jack, and then you heard no more.

* * *

Your dream was so vivid. You were in a white hallway with Bobby and he said he was going to show you to your room. The two of you took your time walking down the hallway as you caught him up on what had been going on the last few years. Stopping at a door with your name on it, Bobby gave you a sad smile. “This is yours.”

He opened the door just as you woke up gasping for air.

Sitting up, you looked over to see Sam and Dean, tears on their faces staring at you in shock. “What’s wrong?”

“Y/N?” Sam whispered, standing up and approaching you.

“When did we get home and why am I sleeping in the library?” you asked, glancing around the familiar room.

Sam grabbed you, pulling you into a hug before tugging at your shirt and running his fingers across your skin. When he let go Dean pulled you into his embrace.

“Guys, what is going on?” you snapped, pushing your shirt down when Dean let go of you.

“You were dead Y/N,” Dean said, his voice still shocked. “The ghoul pushed you onto a spike and it went clear through your stomach. We couldn’t save you.”

“I don’t understand…maybe I wasn’t dead?”

“We put your body in the back of the Impala. You were definitely dead,” Sam explained.

“But how am I here?”

“Jack?” Sam suggested, looking at Dean.

“You heard the kid, he wasn’t able to resurrect her.”

“Maybe he found a way?”

“Where is Jack? And Cas? And Ketch?” you asked.

“Jack was upset that he couldn’t heal you. Said he thought he was letting us down and he took off. Cas went after him. Ketch we haven’t seen since the hunt. He left on his motorcycle while we were loading up your um bod…...you.” Sam explained.

“I’m going to call Cas and let him know whatever Jack did it worked,” Dean said before pulling you into another hug. “I’m glad you are okay sweetheart.”

“I love you too Dean,” you replied softly.

Sam was still staring at you in shock. “I need a shower,” you muttered, looking down at your dirty clothes. “And I’m hungry.”

“Food… right…,” Sam said, jumping up.

After eating the ham sandwich Sam made you, you took a long shower, enjoying the feel of the water.

Dead. You had been dead. The dream wasn’t a dream at all. It was your heaven. And now you wondered what was waiting on you in that room?

You heard someone banging loudly on the bunker door and you quickly dressed in jeans and a hoodie. You walked into the war room just as Dean came down the stairs, Ketch following him.

Ketch met your gaze and he stopped moving, one hand on the railing and his knuckles white.

“Oh, yeah,” Dean said as he headed for the kitchen. “Y/N isn’t dead. Jack must have figured out how to bring her back.”

“Jack…” Ketch echoed, his eyes not leaving yours. He stepped off the stairs and started across the room, stopping only a foot away from you.

You shifted uncomfortably, the closeness felt intimate with nobody else in the room. “Welcome back Y/N,” he murmured, his hand coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Uh, thanks,” you said, stepping backwards and trying to ignore the way your ear tingled where his fingers brushed against it.

“So the Nephilim brought you back?” he asked, stepping back.

“We can’t get ahold of Jack or Cas to confirm it but I don't think one of the boys was stupid enough to make a crossroads deal. They know that nothing is worth selling your soul.”

“I can think of something.” His voice was so faint you didn’t know if you heard him correctly.

You were saved from having to respond when Sam and Dean came back in with a couple beers.

Ketch took a sip of his beer before his head jerked up and he looked around the room as if hearing something. He glanced at the clock before speaking. “I merely stopped by to advise you that I will not be around in the future. I am going to be working on my own.”

“Suit yourself,” Dean said with a shrug.

Sam was kinder in his response, shaking Ketch’s hand.

Ketch turned to you last. “I am glad you are okay Y/N. Take care of yourself.”

He was up the stairs and gone before you could reply.

“Well that was weird,” Dean said, shaking his head.

* * *

In the days that followed you found yourself wondering about Ketch’s strange behavior and the way he left.

Even stranger, Cas and Jack, while both happy to see you, swore that neither of them had anything to do with your coming back.

Your latest theory was Chuck and Amara. Sure they had disappeared again, but maybe they were watching from afar and rewarding you for being an aunt to Chuck’s grandson.

Not that you had much time to think about anything with the back to back hunts you were going out on. In the six weeks since your return you had been home four times.

You were heading out solo for the latest one. Sam and Dean were following up on a lead as to Asmodeus’ location so you decided to drive up to Michigan and investigate a series of mysterious deaths.

This was your last hunt and then you were taking a break. You were going to stay home for a couple days and rejuvenate your body and mind.

After checking in to your motel you decided to take a look around at the warehouse where each victim had been found.

Tucking the angel blade into your belt and making sure you had your pistol and rock salt gun, you headed inside.

“What are you doing here?”

You spun around at the sound of the familiar British accent.

“Hunting. What are you doing here?” you asked in surprise.

Ketch stepped out of the shadows. “I’m hunting as well.”

“I see. Well you can go home now, I’ve got this under control.”

“Y/N, go home. It’s not safe here.”

“I’m a big girl Ketch. I can handle myself,” you started towards the next room as you spoke.

He advanced quickly, backing you into the wall. “Leave.”

You placed your hands against his chest and pushed him back a couple steps. “Leave me alone.”

“If you are going to insist on continuing than I will be coming with you.”

You spun around to face him. “No. I don’t trust you Ketch. Not after the things you’ve done.”

“The things I’ve done? You have no idea what I’ve done for you!” His raised voice carried through the empty building.

“Done for me? You haven’t done anything for me and I don’t want anything from you.”

“You. Will. Leave. You have no idea what you are dealing with here.”

“Like you do,” you scoffed.

“Believe me Y/N, I do. And that’s why you need to leave.”

Realizing you were wasting time arguing, you turned to walk away from him again. You could hear his footsteps behind you but you kept moving.

“The Winchester’s let you come alone?”

“They didn’t ‘let me’ do anything. I can make my own decisions.”

“What do you know about the case?” he asked.

Walking the entire factory, you filled him in on the information you had and then listened while he told you what he knew.

“Well nothings here now. I’m going to go back to the motel and come back after dark.” You opened your car door as you spoke. “You can head out, I’ll take it from here.”

“I’m not leaving,” Ketch snapped, opening the passenger door and getting in your car.

“Ummmm, what are you doing?”

“Finishing this hunt with you.”

“No you are not. Get out.”

“If you are going to insist on doing this I’m not going anywhere. You might as well stop arguing. The faster we get this done the faster you go safely home and are rid of me.”

“Fine,” you growled, stepping on the gas. “But stay out of my way.”

* * *

The next day you interviewed witnesses and friends of the victims, gathering enough information to confirm you were hunting an angel. The bright light, high pitched noise, burning heat, it all screamed angel.

There were so many rogue angels on Earth searching for Jack that you weren’t surprised.

You hadn’t seen Ketch all day and were beginning to think he had left town when he sat down across from you in the local dinner while you were ordering supper.

“Aren’t you hungry?” you asked when he declined ordering something.

“I’m fine.” He shifted in his seat. “An angel?”

“Yes. I need….wait…. how did you know?”

“I did my own investigation today.”

“I see. I called Cas and he’s not sure who, but I guess it doesn’t matter since it’s killing humans.”

“When do you want to head over?”

“I was going to go tonight. I’m going to use myself and my knowledge of Jack’s location as bait.”

“Y/N…”

“Don’t bother. This is what I’m doing.” You took a deep breath, surprised at what you were getting ready to say. “But I could use some back up.”

Ketch pulled his head back in surprise. “Of course.”

An hour later, facing two pissed off angels, you were grateful to have the backup.

You pulled the angel blade from your jacket but before you could do anything Ketch moved to stand between you and the angels.

The angels looked confused for a moment before they flashed a look of determination. “A human using an abomination as a companion. How very Sam Winchester of you Y/N.”

Before you could react to the angel’s taunting Ketch launched forward, producing an angel blade from his coat and stabbing the first angel through the chest.

The second started for you and you swung your blade, missing him by inches.

You looked up in time to see Ketch jump forward, landing in front of the angel.

“Stay away from her,” he demanded as you circled around to the left. Glancing up at the tone of his voice, you watched his eyes flash black before he launched on the angel.

The angel fell and Ketch turned towards you, his eyes normal.

You scrambled backwards, gripping your angel blade. ““Stay away from me.”

He stopped immediately, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Have you been a demon since coming back?”

“No.”

“Then when?”

He cocked his head. “Does it matter at this point? You are going to try and kill me no matter what.”

“I don’t understand. How are you a demon? Are you even Ketch or just something using his meatsuit?”

“It’s me Y/N.”

You took a step back as he stepped forward. “Don’t come any closer!” you demanded, holding your angel blade up in warning. “How did you become a demon? Did you trade your soul and humanity for something?”

“Why don’t we compromise. You walk away and head home and I’ll make sure we don’t run into each other again,” Ketch said.

“What was it Ketch? What was so important that you gave up your humanity and soul? Demonic powers? Rowena’s spell? A couple extra inches below the belt?”

“You, damn it,” Ketch snapped, his voice echoing across the room. He started walking towards you. “I made a crossroads deal the night you died. Your life for my eternal servitude to the crossroads demon. I was given two hours so I could see you one more time and then the hell hounds came.”

“Why?” you whispered in shock.

Ketch reached you, his hands coming up to cup your face as he continued walking, backing you into the wall, eyes black. “Because I loved you.”

The angel blade was still in your hand and it would have been easy to stab him through the back, but when his lips roughly crashed to yours you tossed the blade on a nearby table before grabbing his shoulders.

You felt his hardness against your leg as his hands slid under your shirt to rest against your belly. “An entire year I wanted you. Why do you think I came back to the Winchester’s so desperate to make amends? It was for you. I craved you with my body, with my soul.”

“You love me?”

He pulled back and smirked. “Loved Y/N. The soul that loved you is gone. I love nothing now. But my body still craves yours.”

Ketch reached down to unzip your jeans, sliding them down past your hips. You knew you should walk away, but your mind was reeling at the knowledge that he had saved you at a great personal expense and your body was tingling where his hands stroked your skin.

“You’re not going anywhere Y/N,” he growled against your neck before he nipped at your skin. “I won’t let you.” He bit you again lightly, sucking your skin as he pressed against you.

Knowing you were making a huge mistake, you kicked your jeans completely off, along with your socks and shoes.

You gasped when his hand reached inside your panties and he slid two fingers easily in you. His lips found your neck, sucking the flesh gently before pulling your shirt up over your head and tossing it across the room with your jeans. His free hand trailed down your curves and his tongue followed the path.

Ketch knelt down in front of you, tearing your panties off and gripping your hips with both hands. Looking up at you with demon black eyes, his tongue came out to lick across your slick.

You bucked against him and he pulled back laughing. “No wonder I couldn’t get you to notice me when I was just a human. All along you've been a whore for demons.”

“Fuck you,” you snapped, trying to push away from him.

“Just teasing Love,” he growled, standing up and backing you into the wall again as he undid his pants. Within seconds he was guiding his cock to your core. His hands slid under your hips pulling you up so he was nestled against your wetness as your legs wrapped around his waist.

Unhooking and removing your bra, Ketch pulled your nipple into his mouth before sliding into you. He didn’t move right away, instead he kissed both breasts before suckling at your neck. You whimpered, tugging at his hips. He pulled back, until just his head was inside you, a smirk on his face.

Taking your hands from his hips, he brought them above your head, holding them against the wall with one hand while the other went back to help hold you against the wall.

"That’s my girl,” he whispered in your ear before slowly, almost agonizingly, pushing himself back into you, enjoying your moans. Your eyelids fluttered down as you clenched you muscles around him, wanting so much to feel him deep inside.

Ketch finally obliged you, pushing his entire length inside. His eyes closed at the sensation. “I’ve wanted this for so long Y/N.”

He moved over and over, each shove of his body against yours pushed you roughly against the wall. You could feel his fingers digging into your skin and when you opened your eyes you were greeted with his black gaze. “Oh fuck.”

“Tell me Love, how long has it been since someone has fucked you?”

Your eyes slid shut again. “A couple years.”

“No wonder you’re so tight. All the fantasies I had about you, about touching you, tasting you, being buried inside you, none were this bloody fantastic.”

You could feel yourself start to shake as the tightness built in your lower belly. Ketch released your hands from above your head and crushed his lips against yours, swallowing your cries as you came around him.

Without warning he stepped away from the wall, holding you down on his cock as he walked over to the table. Setting you down on the edge of it, he guided you down on your back. Leaning above you on his hands, you watched his face as he snapped his hips hard against you in a fast pace.

You wrapped your hands around his forearms, holding on to him as he let out a strangled cry and came, his eyes turning black once more.

When he stepped back and you could feel his release dripping down the inside of your thigh you realized what you had done. “Oh God,” you muttered, sitting up and trying to cover yourself with your arms.

Ketch tucked himself back into his pants before gathering up your clothes. Glancing to the left you saw one of the angel blades balanced on the edge of the table. You waited until he bent over to pick your bra up and you grabbed the blade, tucking it against your leg.

He walked over and placed your clothes in your lap. His hands reached out to cup your face and you adjusted your grip on the handle of the blade.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he whispered, his thumb stroking your bottom lip. “And when I finally have you I feel nothing. I wish more than anything I had my soul back.”

He brushed a kiss across your lips before turning and walking out of the factory. You let go of the blade as he disappeared. The man had given up everything, his entire eternity, to keep you alive. Could you give him his soul back?

 


	2. Chapter 2

You straightened your dress and took a deep breath before stepping out of the restroom in the back of the bar. It had taken days of preparation and a lot of luck to set this plan in motion and you prayed it all played out like you needed it to.

So far things had gone exactly like you wanted. The case was completed, the banshee was dead.

Sam and Dean were happy and having a celebratory drink before crashing for a few hours and heading home in the morning. You just hoped you were still alive then to join them.

The Winchesters didn’t need to know you had picked this banshee on purpose when you presented the case to them. Just like there was no reason for them to find out you had spent the two hours you were supposed to be at the library looking up banshees purifying your blood in confession at the church across from the motel instead.

They thought it was an unpleasant surprise when it turned out the banshee had a demon lover. Dean would have killed you if he knew you had known about the lover all along and let the demon grab you on purpose.

But it worked.

Once word got out among the demons that the Winchester’s right hand girl was a hostage of the demon named Raaf it only took a moment before _he_ sauntered into the room, eyes black, suit impeccable, and knife ready in his hand.

By the time Sam and Dean found the location you were being held at, Ketch was standing beside you in the driveway, the demon and his banshee lover dead in the house.

It was a lot to juggle, making sure Ketch showed up without making him suspect anything. Making sure the Winchesters didn’t know anything odd was going on.

And the hardest part was still to come.

Walking back into the main bar area, you were almost to the table when Ketch stood and started for you.

It was time.

  
“So what are you really doing here?” you hissed as his hand encased yours and he pulled you to the dance floor. He couldn’t suspect anything.

“Like I told the Winchesters, I’m just here to help. I heard the demon was holding you hostage and I felt the need to intervene,” he replied, his lips brushing your ear as he spoke.

You closed your eyes as a wave of desire shot through your body. For a moment you allowed Ketch to dance you across the floor as the band played an old Frank Sinatra song.

You opened your eyes, looking up to see his black gaze on you and you stumbled, pulling back slightly. “Stop it.”

“What can I say Y/N, you bring out the demon in me.”

“If they find out they will kill you. And then they will never forgive me for not telling them.”

“Why do you care if they kill me? Am I not just another abomination?”

“You did this for me.”

“So?”

“Forgive me if that makes me a little hesitant to drive an angel blade through your heart,” you paused for a moment. “Can I show you something?”

Ketch raised his eyebrow, coming to a stop on the dance floor.

“Please?” You lowered your voice.

When he nodded you reached down to take his hand, guiding him through the crowd of people and out the back door.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s not that far,” you replied, stepping down a small embankment and entering the tree line behind the building.

The two of you walked for a few moments before coming out the other side of the trees, the little church coming into view. It had been abandoned for years and was close enough to the bar as to not raise Ketch’s suspicions. The perfect location.

The hardest part had been asking Cas to help move the chair and handcuffs from the bunker without telling Dean the truth. He finally agreed, but you knew he didn’t trust what you were doing. You only hoped he would keep your secret for the next eight hours.

The chair and handcuffs were under a blanket like the rest of the old church pews and miscellaneous furniture.

You walked to the middle of the church before letting go of his hand and turning to face him.

Ketch smirked as he glanced around the small chapel. “A church? Is this a kink Y/N? Sex with a demon on the altar?”

He took a step forward before the magic of the devils trap on the ceiling took hold and he couldn’t move any further. His eyes flashed black and he snarled “What is this? I trusted you!”

You reached inside the circle to slide the blanket off the chair. “Sit down and get comfortable, your going to be here for awhile.”

He paced the circumference of the devil’s trap. “What are you doing Love?”

“I know a way to fix this. When Sam was completing the trials we found out how to turn a demon human. It worked on Dean and it will work on you.”

“And what makes you think I would want to be human again?”

“Don’t you?” you asked.

“Do you understand the power I have? I can travel anywhere in seconds. I am powerful and feared. I don’t have to worry about food or rest or pesky emotions. I can snap my fingers and get whatever I want.”

“Not everything you want Ketch.”

He laughed. “What, you? As I said before Y/N, I may have loved you at one time but that soul is gone. What happened between us was sex. Nothing more and nothing I want to happen again.”

“Are you sure about that, Arthur?” you said, running your hand down your neck and across the side of your breast.

His eyes were black as he stood against the final ring of the trap.

“You don’t want to touch me….here?” You cupped your clothed breast. “And certainly not here then,” your hand trailed down to brush against your core.

Ketch hissed, pushing against the barrier of the trap.

“Hmmmm. Seems like you do want something else.”

“Let me out of this bloody trap Y/N.”

“No.”

“Then come to me.”

“And how do I know you won’t hurt me?”

“You have my word.”

You scoffed. “The word of a demon?”

You had walked up to where he stood while you talked.

You could hear his breath increase as he looked you up and down. “I won’t hurt you.”

You closed the distance, crashing your lips to his as you stepped into the devil’s trap with him.

You continued to move forward, backing him against the chair and pressing on his chest so he sat down.

You quickly climbed into his lap, straddling him as his tongue tangled with yours. You could feel him hard against your core and for a moment you lost track of your plan. His warm hands slid the dress up your legs until it was bunched around your waist and you rocked down on him.

The drag of your silk panties and his rougher dress pants against your wet sex made you cry out and your hands went between the two of you, unzipping his pants and tugging them down until his cock was free.

Wrapping his hand around the silk band of your panties, Ketch ripped them off and lifted you up to slide down on him.

You groaned once he was fully sheathed. Gripping the front of his suit jacket, you lifted yourself up before slamming down on him.

Ketch began to thrust up, meeting you stroke for stroke as his black eyes watched you.

“Naughty girl, fucking a demon in a church,” he growled, his hands tangling up in your hair and his lips finding yours.

You came moments later, gasping his name while you clenched around him. Ketch came with you, filling you, his teeth biting into your neck.

You collapsed against him, your head on his shoulder as you took deep breaths.

Ketch was stroking your back and you could feel him softening inside you. Reaching down to grasp the handcuffs, you moved quickly, bringing the chains up and slamming them down on his wrists, trapping his arms to the chair.

He pulled his head back, surprise in his eyes. “Clever girl”

You slid off of him, tugging your dress down. Kneeling, you wrapped the cuffs around his ankles.

“Come on Y/N, at least help me out,” he gestured down to his pants.

You slowly pulled his pants back up, tucking him in and zipping them up. “Ready?”

“Using sex to trap me. I didn’t think you had it in you Y/N. Do you use this method often?”

“I’m not a whore,” you responded, walking over to the table and getting the first needle, stabbing into your own arm roughly and filling the tube. You walked over and jabbed it into his neck, ignoring the way he hissed. “I only meant to get you in the chair. The sex was an accident.”

  
Ketch rolled his neck, glaring at you with his teeth bared.

You suddenly needed air and slipped out the back door, leaning against the wall. Seven more doses and this was done.You just had to get through hours of emotional hell.

But you owed the man this after everything he gave up for you.

With shot two he cried out in pain, his eyes black as night as he yanked on the chains in a desperate attempt to break free.

The cheerful ringing of your cell phone seemed misplaced in his agony and you quickly left the church, walking into the woods to call Dean back.

“Where are you?” he demanded.

“I’ll be back in the morning Dean,” you replied, hoping your voice was upbeat.

“Sam said he saw you dancing with Ketch. Are you with that bastard?”

“Can we talk in the morning?”

“Goddamn it Y/N, really? Him? Any guy in that bar and you decide to screw Ketch?”

“I’m hanging up now,” you replied, hitting the red button and sliding your phone into the back pocket of the jeans you had changed into it.

Shot three came with the threats. You drew blood from your arm and injected it into his neck. Pulling the empty needle away, you stepped back when he looked up at you with pure hate in his face. “I am going to slit your throat.”

“It’s the demon in you talking Ketch. You won’t hurt me.”

“I’m going to rip your head off. I’ll snap your spine you bitch,” he snarled. “I’m going to turn your insides into jelly.”

“Okay,” you muttered.

“Okay? Do you understand who you are messing with? I’m going to shred you into tiny pieces and feed you to the hounds. When I’m done with you the Winchesters won’t be able to tell your arms from your legs.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“You are going to regret this Y/N. I have toys that will make you beg for death. I’ll take my time carving you up.”

You shook your head and slipped out the back door as he continued to throw threats out after you.

Ketch was quiet when you came inside for shot four.

He waited until you were squeezing your blood into his neck to speak, his voice surprisingly calm. “You have blood on your hands Y/N.”

You assumed he meant from the site of the needle injection on your arm, and you glanced down to see your hands were clean.

Ketch chuckled. “Not your filthy blood. Innocent blood. The lives you couldn’t save. The victims of your mistakes. The people who trusted you and died. Charlie, wasn’t it? Was that her name? I remember reading the case file on her. Thick as thieves you two were. But you left her to die in a dirty bathtub in a no name motel in the middle of nowhere. And the prophet, Kyle…Kent…oh, I remember. Kevin.”

You stepped back, blinking rapidly to hold back the tears in your eyes.

“Yes. Foolish Kevin trusted you to do the right thing. To protect him. And instead you let him die. You let them all die. Everyone who trusts you eventually dies. You’ll let the Winchesters down, their blood will end up on your hands.”

You swallowed thickly as he continued.

“What about the nephilim? He puts his trust in you but does he know someday you’ll be the cause of his destruction?”

“Shut up,” you whispered. “I will protect Jack with my life.”

“A life I bought for you. You couldn’t even keep yourself alive,” he retorted.

“Fuck you.”

“Does it hurt? Are my words like daggers to your pathetic human heart? I can take that away Y/N. Stop this now. Come with me. Be my demon. My pet. You wouldn’t believe how good it feels to be rid of your miserable, damaged soul.”

“I’d rather have my damaged soul than no soul at all.”

You spun on your heel, bursting out the door into the colder night air and taking huge breaths as the tears finally came.

You knew it was the demon twisted over his soul trying to stop you, but it didn’t make the things he said any less true. Charlie. Kevin. Their blood was on your hands. And it would never wash off.

In the process of saving his soul you were dragging yours through the dirt. How long until either one of you really recovered from this?

You were dreading shot five and again Ketch was quiet as you delivered the blood from your arm to his neck.

He barely winced, but you noticed the sheen of sweat on his forehead and the pain on his eyes.

“What are you doing to me? Do you know how much this hurts ?” His voice was raspy as he spoke, his accent thicker.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, unable to make eye contact.

“Are you Y/N?”

“Of course. I don’t want to cause you pain Arthur. I’m trying to save you. You’ll know that once this is done.”

“I don’t need saved.”

“You lost your soul for me. I have to fix this.”  
  
“Have you ever hated and loved somebody at the same time Y/N? The demon in me wants to leave you a bloody mess for doing this but the human returning to me remembers the love i had for you that drove me to this point.”

“It’s almost over Arthur.”

“And when it is? When I’m human again? Will you return my affections Y/N?”

“I…”

“Leave.”

“What?”

“Go wait outside. I don’t want you near me.”

“Ketch….”

“Go!” He roared, yanking on the chain.

You jumped, practically tripping over your own feet as you ran outside. You could hear him in the church growling, the rattling of the chains against the chair loud as he fought his captivity and struggled against the emotions coming back to him.

You sat down on the front steps and checked your text messages.

There was one from Dean. _You better use protection._

Typing out a quick _Always_ , you put your phone away and closed your eyes until the alarm went off for shot six.

“I don’t want to feel,” he muttered, eyes locked on the floor. “My entire life has been pain and you are making me feel it all over again.”

You sat down in the front pew, one hand holding your arm, sore from the multiple blood draws. “You’ll feel different when this is done.”

“My parents left me when I was a lad. They left me on the doorstep of a school that taught murder instead of arithmetic. I had one friend in school, his name was William, and I killed him in cold blood at my teachers command when we were ten years old. I’ve never felt the touch of a woman who truly loved me. And Mick….we survived together. Do you understand that? We survived together and I murdered him at the command of a boss who called me a dog.”

He was yelling by the end of his sentence, and you could see the raw emotion on his face.

“I’ve lived with that pain since I pulled the trigger but it was finally gone. Now you bring it back. You bring back the blood on my hands.”

  
“I remember William, dead at my feet and the horror I felt when I saw the blood on my knife. I couldn’t move to get Dr. Hess for a long time, I was worried if I did I would pass out. I remember standing there and debating cutting my own neck.”

You wiped the tears from your face. “I’m not trying to hurt you Ketch. But you don’t want to be a demon and you’ll remember that when you are human again.”

“Will I Y/N? You keep talking about saving me. Is this really about saving me or saving yourself?”

The silence that filled the room stretched until it was time to administer shot seven.

Once you gave him this shot you wouldn’t be able to leave him alone. He’d have enough humanity inside him that he could break the devils trap and stop the ritual.

“Don’t do this,” he muttered once more.

You plunged the needle, ignoring his pleas. Ketch cried out, sweat dripping from his brow.

“Tell me you will want me. It would be cruel to bring my soul back and restore my humanity just to leave me alone with only a memory of you.”

You didn’t say anything, your eyes locked on the wall over his head.

“I’ve never loved anyone or anything before Y/N. I never wanted to. To feel so vulnerable. To feel so hurt. You have no idea how it felt each time you pushed me away when all I wanted was you.”

“I didn’t trust you. You can’t blame me after what you’ve done,” you snapped.

“I came back for you. I took the Winchesters abuse for you. I gave up my life for you.”

“Ketch...”

“Tell me you will love me too when this is done or drive that angel blade through my heart Y/N. I don’t want to return to humanity only to suffer again.”

“Arthur, I want to trust you. I honestly believe things have changed. You’ve changed. I can’t tell you I love you because I don’t know you. But I can tell you I want to get to know you. The real you. Not the assassin, not the hunter, not the demon.”

Tears were in his eyes. “This humanity, it’s fucking weak.”

“It’s almost over. The rush of emotion is from your soul being restored. It will balance out. Dean spent the first week he was back crying at every chick flick he could find and then he was normal again.”

Finally it was time for the last dose. Making sure you had your knife tucked into your pocket, you walked over to him. You were surprised when he moved his head to make it easy to get to his neck.

Sliding the needle in, you delivered the last drop.

Ketch cried out, his whole body launching forward in the restraints. You pulled the knife out. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus. Hanc animam redintegra, lustra! Lustra!” you cried, cutting your palm and smacking it against his mouth.

Ketch screamed as the bright white light engulfed him, and you covered your eyes, crawling back from the circle.

When the light faded you slowly stood, blinking to get your vision back before turning to look at the man sitting in front of you.

The warding on the chains useless now, Ketch easily slid his hands and feet out of the cuffs and stood up.

His eyes met yours and when he moved forward you brought the knife up, unsure of what he was going to do..

It fell to the floor when he wrapped his arms around your waist and backed you into the wall, his lips rough and desperate against yours. All the emotions he was being rushed with he poured out into the kiss, his hands clinging to you and his tears on your cheeks as he bruised your lips.

When he pulled back to get air you placed your hand on his cheek and lifted his head, looking into his eyes. Seeing no black, you allowed him to pull you into his embrace. His head resting atop yours.

“Are you okay?” you whispered.

“You foolish girl. I could have killed you. Look at your arms,” he was looking at the needle marks.

“Your neck looks the same.”

He looked way for a moment before returning his gaze to yours. “Y/N, the things I said…”

You held your hand up. “It was the demon side of you.”

“But I... “

“Stop Ketch. It doesn’t matter. You are human again and that’s what counts.”

“I told you before that my soul and my body craved you. That hasn’t changed Y/N. I am in love with you. And this rush of humanity and emotions makes it hard for me to know how to hold that back.”

You leaned up to kiss him. “Show me who you are Arthur Ketch. Give me a chance to fall in love with you too.”

He ran this thumb across your cheek. “And what happens now?”

“Let's go back to my room and get cleaned up. Dean thinks we had a one night stand tonight anyways so it won't look odd when we leave together tomorrow.”

He nodded and the two of you slowly left the church behind, clinging to each other as your souls began to recover from the ritual that almost destroyed you both.

 

 

 

 


End file.
